Almost Halloween (and I’m not even prepared) ! ! !

Well, I’ve been *so* busy writing lately that it has consumed most of my time!  In fact, I still have two more pieces that just absolutely need to be done.  Some of it is written out on paper, so all I have to do is type it up.  But I was thinking, “Wow, I’ll have *all* kinds of writing for my blog done for Halloween!”  I thought it would be fun to do some personal stories or maybe a few creepy short pieces.  Maybe even a couple of true stories.  I feel like this piece is already starting off so abstract, because I just wanted to express my joy over the holiday.

But as far as my personal blog entries go, deadlines and a toothache got in the way.  So I was happy to get my two pieces done, and glad that I pretty much got rid of that toothache.  And with Halloween just two days away, I can relax and enjoy this most awesome time of the year and to be feeling well enough to really appreciate it.  So, I figured I would just write a quick piece in celebration of my favourite time of year!

As a g0th, I must stock up on certain accessories around Halloween, because that’s when it’s readily available.  I stocked up on several black eyeliners, a couple of tubes of black lipstick, and a friend bought me some fake nails (black with red which looks like blood dripping down).  I got a purple cuff that had a spider on it.  The spider came off, but it was just a cheap cuff and I anticipated that, so I decided when it happened I would just make a necklace out of it.  And then there are tiny witch hats with a cute fluffy feathery rim (so adorable)!  I just *had* to have them!  I finally opened my fake eyelashes that I’d gotten as gifts last year and learned to apply them (to some extent lol).  So now, with the variety of feathery, glittery, and all sorts of false eyelashes out there, I’m becoming ever so excited!  I can’t wait until the after-Halloween clearance sales!  Oh!  And I got two really really loverly shirts!  One orange and black with a spider web, and the other black and white and grey . . . with bats!  And I’ve a multitude of Halloween socks that coincidentally match!  I have yet to even wear a few of those pairs.  There’s so much more that I want!

And of course, the creepy movies!  I’m disappointed with what’s on the telly.  In fact, I got caught up in Bully Beatdown on one of the MTV channels because there was nothing else on.  Let me tell ya, reality shows aren’t really my thing, but I got an adrenaline rush from that one!  I even like to indulge in Parental Control when I see it, as long as it’s not competing against a favourite show of mine.  But it seemed like all the spooky shows that were on were ones they’ve had on every single year for the past bazillion years (it’s a hyperbole but it doesn’t seem that far off)!  Halloween, Halloween 3, Halloween 4, Halloween (the Rob Zombie version which gets a BIG thumbs down from me!), and let me stop there, because us horror buffs out here know all about that.  When I was younger, there was a whole array of scary movies around Halloween, and some really good ones as well!  If you missed one showing, you might have to stay up ’til late-late-late one night to catch that same show again, because it was hard to decide upon which show to watch because they were all so awesomely-good!  You’d have The Exorcist on one channel and Friday the 13th Part IV (or is it VI?) on another, and maybe a Christopher Lee movie competing with Halloween or some zombie or vampire movie.  Even if we had the Chiller Channel we would have a slightly larger variety, but que sera.  They no longer show Garfield’s Halloween Special, but there are a few good ones.  You also don’t see Elvira like you used to, which quite saddens me.

Scary Godmother is a good little show.  I missed The Grim Adventures of the Kids Next Door (LOVE Codename: Kids Next Door and I used to watch The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy here and there).  The Haunting Hour: Don’t Think About It, which I missed the last few years, was on recently and I got the chance to catch it.  After seeing it when it first came out, I was hooked and it became a sort of tradition and missing it the last few years sorta put a dent in my little celebration.  Which reminds me, Goosebumps is not on any of the channels we receive.  And I absolutely loved the Adventure Time episode with the zombies.

I was so excited about the Psych episode where Sean dresssed as Lestat and Gus as Blacula.  Just an amazing episode, as usual.

And let us not forget the Halloween snacks!  I’ve missed out on a few because I’m babying my teeth after having my dental work.  I love those little shortbread Christmas cookies, and they had them in Stauffer’s brand in Halloween shapes with black and orange sugary sprinkles!  The fudgey Halloween poptarts were absolutely delicious.  And by the time I found Count Chocula (my favourite, with Frankenberry in second and Booberry in third), I was trying to stay away from crunchy foods at that time so I didn’t get any.  However, I did get the White Chocolate Candy Corn M&M’s which were utterly delicious because I just had to try ’em!  But, no candy apples for me this year. Bah 😦

Now . . . that being said, yes I did cheat a little here and there and munched on some stuff that I probably shouldn’t have but I had to indulge a little; I was so tired of living on pudding and soup (lol).

Oh, and I must absolutely mention that today at the dentist’s office (I ❤ My Dentist! He’s the greatest ever!), well, the girls working in the office were hoping to find a scary show and put it on Jason Goes To Hell.

I’m a huge Jason Vorhees fan.  I like Michael Meyers, but the newer ones (like the one with Busta Rhymes, nearing the late 90s and early 2000’s, but excluding Rob Zombie’s versions), and the only two Freddy movies I’ve watched was the first with Johnny Depp and Freddy Vs. Jason.  But Jason Vorhees is where it’s at.

Yep.  Gimme some Jason Vorhees and zombie movies (preferably ones I’ve never seen before because I tend to watch the same ones over and over and over! 😛 Either because I have my favourites on DVD or they keep showing the same ones on TV repeatedly lol).  My fave Friday the 13th is Jason Takes Manhattan as well as some of the older ones, particularly with Kane Hodder.  The remake was good but not quite the same as the old-school vibe the others had.  And I could really kick myself because I was too cheap to spend seven dollars and fifty cents on a 3-D version of one of the Friday the 13th movies!  Grrrr . . .

Since I’m talking about horror here, I have to make a few honorable mentions.  As far as Dracula goes, I just love Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee.  Vincent Prince is another staple.  You can’t go wrong when you roll with the classics!

And now after expressing my complete and utter (and abstract!!!) enthusiasm over Halloween, I guess I should end it now because I could go on forever about this stuff!

Usually I like to have something to read that sort of gets me in the Halloween mood.  Last year around August/September I read The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and fell in love with it!  Years ago I read Bram Stoker’s Dracula.  This year, I intended to read Dracula Undead by Dacre Stoker, but I’ve been so busy writing (and with that wicked tootache that I’m still bellyaching about that I barely have the time to even get my reading done with David Lubar’s “Weenie” books and my Zen of the Zombie book by Scott Kenemore.  So instead of reading, I had to focus on writing due to deadlines which was fine by me because once that’s over I can relax and read at my own leisure.

Now . . . it’s time for me to find a snack and get prepared for the Living History of Zombies documentary on the History Channel.  I may have gotten the title wrong lol but all you horror buffs know what I’m talkin’ ’bout!

This concludes my diary entry.

Joslyn ❤

Be the *STAR* of *ANY* Horror Movie! Tips for various scenarios!

Most people know that I’m a horror movie NERD! If you drink, do drugs, and/or are not a virgin, you’re probably not likely to survive a horror movie, but you can be the STAR if you use what little time you have wisely. 🙂 You may even be able to save your character’s LIFE! 🙂

SCENARIO: You’re in a cage, watching some nasty redneck chef prepare your friends and waiting for your turn to become an ingredient. To steal the show and shift the viewers focus onto yourself, politely inform the chef of how many calories are going into the meal, and that he might just be better off eating a dozen Big Macs!!!

SCENARIO: Someone gets a hand lopped off from an axe-wielding psychopath. You can say any of the following: “Really gotta hand it to you; you’re pretty good with that axe!” or “This party is really getting out of hand so I think I’ll be on my way…” or any other cheesy hand joke.

SCENARIO: You’re arch nemisis from high school who was and is known for her sluttery, gets killed by an oversized snake, and you have to make a police report. You say, “He just grabbed her and squeezed until she stopped screaming and then he just left her laying when he saw another little morsel run by…(*mumble aside*) story of her life!”

SCENARIO: You’re in Hickville, USA, and some inbred freak with a severe case of halitosis corners you. Politely ask him what kind of dental regimen he is currently on, recommend a good dentist and your favourite brand of minty-fresh mouthwash. If he should kill you, you must make it memorable! As you lay there with him slashing at you, say: “But…I…Was only…Trying to help!” And die in an exaggerated Shakespearean style. You’ll be remembered! 🙂

SCENARIO: Your friend is showing you a doll she bought that is walking and talking and then turns it around to show you that there are no batteries inside of it. Exclaim… “Omigod, made in China?!?!”

SCENARIO: Your favourite restaurant has been serving people, and you’re next! Be sure to tell those who prepare the food that you never could pinpoint that secret ingredient, but their food is always delicious!

SCENARIO: Some freak dressed up in some costume wielding a butcher knife comes into your hotel room and waits outside the shower. Inform him that this is not the first time and that you will contact hotel management, and not only that, you’re taking it to the Association for Greater Hotels! I don’t know if there even is an association under that name but when you’re in a position like that you really have to work with what you got!

SCENARIO: Someone says they’ll give you a million bucks to stay in a creepy old haunted mansion that may house demonic spirits, and like an idiot, you take the guy up on the offer thinking he’s just a weird, rich old eccentric. Or maybe someone calls you a chicken and dares you to stay there so you go along with it so you’ll look brave. Either way, when you are faced with one of the phantom occupants of the house, say, “I just loooovvveee what you’ve done with the place. Is that vase from Pier 1?”

SCENARIO: Zombies are overrunning the world! It went from a handful, to a hundred, a thousand, and now they are millions! You are finally face-to-face with one of the undead who is slowly stalking toward you. Yell to the director, “Who’s doing the makeup here? This looks awful! That’s what I look like after a hard night at the club!”

SCENARIO: You wake up in the middle of the night and see a crazy, murderous clown, possibly of supernatural origin, staring at you through the darkness. The luminescence of the white makeup, eerie dramatic smile and creepy eyes and the bright red hair and shiny nose make it possible to get a fairly good look at it. I’m getting chills just thinking about it *shiver* (I HATE CLOWNS!) Turn over, pull the covers over your head and mumble, “Not the clown dream AGAIN!” and go back to sleep.

SCENARIO: You move into a new house and all the people in town act strange, but the children are even stranger but you can’t quite place it so you assume that they’re just a bunch of brats. They are in your front yard, jump-roping to an eerie little song. DON’T TAKE THAT FROM THEM! TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR HOME! Run outside with the broom to shoo them off and scream, “Get the hell off of my property, you creepy little bastards! If I see you here again I’m gonna tell your parents or get my shotgun!”

SCENARIO: You’re possessed; in this case you’ve already stolen the show! But you still gotta make it good! Split-pea soup has already been done so you might wanna project something more original from the pit of your stomach, something that would really gross everyone out like dark-red raspberry jelly or egg yolks or something that is unidentifiable on film. Swear like Andrew Dice Clay, piss all over the walls, and do pretty much whatever you want. After all, it’s not every day that you can use being possessed as an excuse to do bad things!

SCENARIO: Now if you have been in several movies and have a tendency to die in all of them, then make your last dying scene memorable by saying before the lights dim upon your short time on film, “I really need to find a new line of work…”, then cough, slowly writhe around, and expire.


The Excitement of Autumn!

I haven’t written in a while.  At least, not on my blog.  This is actually my first diary entry on my blog site!  But I’ve been busy with some pieces for anthologies and the like, not to mention a horrendous toothache!  One the size of Texas!

And it seems that the toothache came at the worst possible time!  I love Autumn, and just stepping outside in the cool breeze and seeing the leaves glimmer in the golden sun just has a magickal effect on me!  There’s all of this talk about Halloween specials on the telly, and I just love browsing the costume isles.  But what I really love?  Taking walks in the beautiful Autumn weather!  And as soon as this tooth is fixed, that’s exactly what I plan to do!  I’m not able to enjoy the season to its fullest extent, and even though I may not walk all year ’round, this is the time of year that I usually get back into the routine!  I used to go out, admire the Halloween decorations, and every Thursday (or was it Tuesday?) I glued myself to the TV when Reaper came on.  That was in the very first season, and it is hands-down one of my favourite shows ever!  And I’d save my stash of YooHoos for that very occasion.  Sometimes I’d just walk to the store to see what new Halloween merchandise they had, if any, or pine over something every time I’d go.  And now, because of this toothache, I can’t.  It’s more that I won’t, because I’m afraid I’ll end up hurting it worse when I have the pain at bay.

At the moment, I’m trying to think of a really scary story.  Something scarier than my kid-friendly horror.  But, I’m at a loss.  I don’t know if I can pull it off!  I think of all of my own Halloween and horror favourites, and you just can’t replicate the feel of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, or Washington Irving’s Sleepy Hollow.  Or Dan Dillard’s The Diary of Ethan Jacobs.  It just can’t be done!  And when I take my walks, that’s what I focus on.  I think about what I want to write about.  What moves me, what scares me.  And with some of the other projects taking my time, it’s hard to do that.  Not to mention this toothache that’s been dragging me down, forcing me to take ibuprofin and strap an ice pack to my chin!

But I have faith that something will come to me, and I’m hoping it will be the creepiest story ever!