My Life *IS* An Ironic Twist

I’m neglecting all professionalism in this piece, and normally I don’t like to get this personal. But something happened that was kind of funny that inspired me to write about this ironic little twist that has haunted me for the past three years. Some things happen that come back around to you, and in retrospect after the proverbial (or would that be metaphorical?) storm has passed, you find yourself looking back in a passive state of reflection. When emotion no longer rules your thoughts, it’s easier to process everything and just say, “It is what it is.” Thanks to friends and family and forcing myself to take some time before moving on, I can laugh about things now and I was able to get through it all with a more positive attitude. Here’s the story.

I don’t want to get into the nitty gritty of the details. The past is past, and well, quite frankly, kinda boring. I’ll merely brief the salient points. The short of it is, I was in love with someone that just wasn’t right for me. I felt like the chemistry was gone and I couldn’t really be myself. But at the same time I couldn’t really just walk away because it was sort of a high school sweetheart type of thing. He had this stuffy uptight air and I would often ask myself if sacrificing who I am, along with my own personal happiness to make him happy, was worth what I *thought* we had.

He decided to go to college which ended up in the remainder of our relationship turning into a long-distance thing. So I was back with my folks and we’d watch America’s Got Talent all the time. Well, the host brought Train out to sing that irritating “Soul Sister” song. I just could not see the appeal! My parents wondered why they had them sing that particular song. I explained that was their most popular and I don’t think they believed me. Then, on The Medium, it was played throughout the entire episode in clips. My mom and I cringed every time the first couple of notes started up. I think the song was even used in a car commercial, too. It would come on the radio and I’d call her in my room so she could listen to this “really great song” that I thought she’d like. At least, that’s what I told her. “You called me in for this? she’d ask, annoyed. Either that or she’d give her characteristic “Mmmmm” sound of vexation which, coming from her, says more than any spoken word. So it was a bit of a joke between us because we both hated that song equally and I couldn’t resist using it against her. And we’d often crack Train jokes.

Now there was a particular song that I loved and when it would come on, I knew, I just *knew*, everything was going to be okay. It came on when I prayed and asked for comfort in a certain situation, and although I’d heard it many times before, it was rarely played at that point. Guess it just sorta grew out of style. But it was like, I’d say a prayer and BAM! It was on the radio! Another time I was about to put a Smiths CD on right after praying but thought I’d wait to see what the next song on the radio would be. It was MY song! The one that let me know that EVERYTHING was gonna be just fine! The first time it happened I thought, lucky timing. The next two times, I knew there had to be something more to it.

So one day, I went on my then-boyfriend’s Facebook page to post something I thought he’d like and some girl posted on his wall. Then I did some detective work. Not hard, since he didn’t try to hide anything. He was friends with her mom, too! I asked him about it because we had a date on messenger that day since he had the day off from school and he got upset with me, saying he didn’t know her, she randomly added him and he was upset because he didn’t know he was going to be harrassed about someone he didn’t even know. Then he deleted his Facebook account. That’s when I knew for certain something was up.

Out of desperation I contacted the girl because he refused to talk about it. She wasn’t the nicest person. I just felt like I had to know whatever it was that he’d been hiding and she was just mean about the whole thing. But I did check out her Facebook page to see if she’d posted anything about him. And there it was. A picture of a fancy dinner he had taken her to as well as another enthusiastic post about how Soul Sister was her song! In another post she said it deserved a Grammy and was surprised it didn’t get anything. I, however, wasn’t. Then I found out Train also sang Drops of Jupiter.

So it was a good long while until I was able to listen to that song again without feeling that typical relationship trauma that we’ve all been through. It’s nothing new, and I’m sure everyone out there can understand where I’m coming from. Whenever that song came on I would struggle to get to the radio so I wouldn’t have to feel that way or think about the pair of them. Now I can listen to the song for what it is: Horrible!

Remember I mentioned that song that gave me hope? This was a couple of years before the break-up incident. I never went out of my way to look the song up because it was one of those chance things. I didn’t want to interfere with that and I didn’t want to know who sang it, nor did I want to hear it so often where I would learn the lyrics because I felt it would lose all meaning. When it was a chance thing it felt more like a sign of sorts, like it was speaking directly to me. Well, when I prayed and it came on the radio, I had prayed for angels. I wanted to know they were there and I needed to find comfort in that to know that I wasn’t really alone. So there I was, and as soon as I finished my prayer, and the first line of the song comes on. “I need a sign to let me know you’re here.” I think it’s called “Calling All Angels.” That happened three times like that. There was only one other time during that span of several years that I heard that song when I needed a boost and there it was.

So today, I wanted to fill my thoughts with positivity so I played stuff like Lennon’s “Imagine”, Youngbloods “Come On People,” and MJ’s “Man in the Mirror.” And I decided to find my angel song on youtube, having no idea who sang it. And as it turns out…It’s TRAIN!

That band, unbeknownst to me for so long, was once my rock! Then they put out this completely obnoxious anthem that played everywhere I went, which became symbolic in my mind of such a crazy time in my life when I felt so alone and frustrated, and made me think of this girl’s smugness and mean-spirited treatment toward me. Not to mention the whole situation with my ex-boyfriend. Soul Sister no longer holds any negativity for me except for how much I still hate it only because of how it seemed to stalk me, and because of how terrible it sounds. And then I find out the one song that helped me to really connect with my spiritual side is by the same band!

I could have gone without knowing who sang it as I had before, merely because I wanted to know when that song came on, it was all about timing. I wanted to feel like it was no mere coincidence, but something a little greater. Something real. I guess it gave me something to believe in.

I think it might have been better if I had not known who it was, because now I can’t get past knowing who sings it. It’s like having a really great meal and realising it’s made with one of your most hated ingredients! You never want to eat it again. Ever! Or maybe a more appropriate allusion would be that it’s more like finding out the meal was prepared by someone who doesn’t believe in washing their hands.

It’s hard for me not to find the humour in the whole thing. Not to mention the irony, if I am in fact using the term correctly. But when we really look back, it’s funny how we can see that through so many other instances in the everyday scheme of things. I see it happening to me and around me all the time. But this time, I stared in disbelief for a moment, and then I rolled my eyes and sighed with a smile.

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